
Topic two
What particular problems do parents have when their children are in their teens?what can parents do to deal with these probems?
例一:
Parents and Their Children’s Education
Parents, especially those of teenagers, care about their children‘s education more than anything else. They could do everything for their children.Many of them spend most of their spare time coaching their children in studies; those who have no time or cannot do it have hired tutors. Some also send their children to after-class schools. Some even have tried to improve their home environment. It seems as if a better education is all that parents expect for children.
The present situation can be explained by the following reasons. First of all, as our country‘s economy has been moving ahead healthily, many parents have become aware that future success depends more and more on skills and education. Lack Of training or education will no longer ensure that young people have a promising future. Secondly, it is evident that in a competitive society there are both losers and winners. The children who have grasped better skills and more knowledge will enjoy more opportunities. What is more,‘ with school tuition increasing it is also reasonable for parents to expect their children to be somebody or do something great as a result of education they have received.
Certainly, it is good to see much of parents‘ attention is paid to children‘s education. However, in my opinion, emphasis should also be laid on fostering their other abilities and personal qualities. True, it is important to learn to succeed,but the first thing to learn is how to survive and how to be a qualified citizen. If this is included in good education that parents are seeking now, their children will be definitely ensured not only a bright future but also a sound intellectual and mental foundation, hence a healthy life.
父母与其子女的教育
父母,特别是带着十几岁孩子的父母亲,最关心的是孩子的教育问题。许多父母把大多数业余时间花在辅导孩子学习上;没有时间或不能辅导的家长则花钱聘请家庭教师。
有的父母把孩子送到课外学校去;还有些父母甚至设法改善家庭环境。看来,更好的教育是父母对子女的最大期望。
目前的这种情况可用下列理由予以解释。首先,随着我国经济健康地向前发展,许多父母认识到,未来的成功越来越取决于技能和教育。缺少培训和教育就难保年轻人拥有远大前程。其次,在充满竞争的社会里,失败者和成功者同时存在,这是显而易见的。孩子学到的技能越好,掌握的知识越多,他们得到的机会也就越多。况且,由于学费不断上涨,父母期待孩子因受到良好的教育而将来成名,或干成一番大事业,这也是合乎情理的事情。
当然,看到许多家长十分注重儿童教育,这是件大好事。然而,在我看来,还应该强调培养孩子的其他能力和个人素质。诚然,学会成功的诀窍是很重要的,可是要学的第一件事就是如何生存以及怎样做一个合格的公民。如果父母正在寻求的良好教育也包括这一点的话,其孩子就不仅会有光明的前程,而且会拥有健全的心智和健康的生活。
例二:
Parents and their Adolescent Children
Children often go through a period of crisis in their teenage years. They grapple with the big questions about the meaning of life and may seem rebellious as they demand water tight reasons for the faith and customs that have been handed on to them. Their studies become more demanding and they are challenged to look seriously at their future options of a career. During the adolescent years, the sexual instinct is awakened and this can cause a teen to be insecure about his or herself as they seek to understand what is happening to them and to integrate this dimension of their being into how they understand themselves and how they should interact with others, especially of the opposite sex. To chart through the stormy seas of adolescence, children need parents who are patient and loyal friends, willing to be their navigator on board and always at hand with wise and prudent advice. David Isaacs in his book on Character Building gives some useful pointers.
Features of adolescence
Development of personal intimacy.
The wonderful discovery of one’s interior world.
An understanding of who one is, of one’s individuality; a growing realization that one is an autonomous person, with far reaching decisions to be made, and goals and ideals to pursue.
Development of a capacity for critical thinking. One begins to judge issues and act from inner principles, with depth of conviction. The virtue of prudence is the key to sound critical thought.
An adolescent is faced with the challenge of choosing the values which will lead him or her to happiness. The only true values are those which bring happiness not only now and in the future but into eternity.
During adolescence the major decisions of life are made. Adolescence can be said only to end when life goals are clarified and personal responsibility to pursue those goals accepted.
Some of the more superficial aspects of adolescence
self absorption…moodiness, introspection, indifference to others;
insecurity…peer dependence, impressionability, wanting to be noticed, comparisons with others;
anxiety and confusion…feelings of being unhappy, emotional and temperamental;
lack of motivation…laziness;
need for affection and attention…superficial relationships;
yearning for greater independence…argumentative, contesting authority, pulling back from parents.
Some proven approaches for parents
Refine family values. What are the basic values of our family which we want our teenagers to make their own? Can they see us trying to live these values ourselves? Can they see that these values are important to us? How can we use the things that interest our teenagers (TV programs, books, entertainment, friends, social events, etc) to explore with them these basic values?
Focus on values, not on behaviour. Different behaviours or personal styles may be consistent with the same values. When a teenager’s behaviour seems inappropriate, parents should consider, before reacting, “what value is underlying this”. Also, help teenagers relate their behaviour to values.
Challenge your teenager to think critically. Encourage your teenager to judge events according to sound values.
Respect your teenager’s intimacy. Build your relationship on friendship and trust. Don’t pry or spy. Realise that he or she is changing very quickly on the inside.
Foster generosity. Give your son or daughter an example of parents who act consistently with values which are not selfish. Encourage and take them to do deeds of service to others and works of mercy. Show that happiness is tied to love and generosity.
Show affection, appreciation, and understanding. Listen. Try to look at issues from his or her point of view. Recognise and build on strengths and positive areas.
Ensure your teenager feels that it is his or her home. Less emphasis on conformity in a multitude of small issues. Ask as few “required” behaviours as possible. Fill your home with lots of good memories for your adolescent.
Foster a positive peer group for your teenager. As it is likely to have more influence than you do, be sure that the families of your teenager’s friends share your values. Get to know the parents.
Set demanding but attainable goals. Teach responsibility with clear expectations, accountability, consistency, and follow-up. Require the exercise of personal responsibility for actions.
Be seen to struggle to live up to your values. Win prestige in your teenager’s eyes by your personal struggle to be faithful to your ideals and the family values. Avoid double standards. Look on the family budget as a numerical expression of the values of your family.
Show that living with faith is attractive. Do not compel adolescents to live their faith and to pray. Lead by example. Show that a personal relationship with God gives cheerfulness and meaning to one’s life.
父母和他们的青春期子女
儿童往往要经过一段时间的危机在其十几岁的几年。他们设法解决的大问题,生命的意义和可能看起来叛逆,他们要求水密理由的信仰和习俗已交给他们。他们研究的要求越来越高,他们的挑战是要重视他们的未来选择职业。在青春期,性本能被唤醒,这会导致青少年是担心他或她为他们寻求理解什么是他们和整合这方面的自己正在为他们如何了解自己和他们应如何与他人互动,尤其是异性。通过对图的惊涛骇浪青春期,孩子需要父母谁是病人和忠实的朋友,愿将自己的导航板和总是在手与智慧和谨慎的建议。戴维伊萨克在他的书中角色建设给出了一些有用的指针。
特征青少年
发展个人亲密。
奇妙的发现自己的内心世界。
了解自己是谁,自己的个性;日益认识到,一个是一个的人,具有深远的决定,与目标和理想的追求。
发展批判性思维能力。一开始判断问题和行动原则与深度内,定罪。凭借谨慎的关键是良好的批判性思维。
青少年面临的挑战是选择的价值观,会导致他或她的幸福。唯一真正的价值,带来幸福不仅在现在和将来而成永恒。
在青春期的重大决定作出的生活。青春期可以说只有结束时,生活的目标是澄清和个人责任,追求这些目标接受。
一些较浅方面的青春期
自吸……喜怒无常,反思,对他人的冷漠;
不安全……同行的依赖性,敏感性,要注意,与其他国家比较;
焦虑和困惑……感觉不快乐,情感和气质;
缺乏动力……懒惰;
对感情的需要和关注的肤浅关系…;
渴望有更大的性……争论,争夺权力,脱离父母。
一些行之有效的办法,父母
完善家庭价值观。什么是基本的价值观,我们的家庭,我们希望我们的青少年自己做?他们能看到我们生活着的这些价值观呢?他们可以看到,这些价值观对我们很重要?我们如何能够利用感兴趣的事情,我们的青少年(电视节目,书籍,娱乐,朋友,社会活动,等)与他们探讨这些基本价值?
注重价值,不是行为。不同的行为或个人风格可能是符合相同的价值观。当一个十几岁的行为似乎是不恰当的,父母应该考虑,反应之前,“什么是根本”。此外,帮助青少年与他们的行为的价值观。
挑战你的孩子批判性思考。鼓励你的孩子去判断事件按照正确的价值观。
尊重你的孩子的亲密。建立友谊和信任关系。不要窥探或间谍。意识到他或她变化很快的。
培养慷慨。给你的儿子或女儿例谁的父母坚持一贯的价值观,不自私。鼓励他们做好事为他人服务和慈善工作。表明,幸福与爱和慷慨。
表达爱意,欣赏,和理解。听着。尝试看看问题从他或她的角度。识别和建立在优势和积极的地区。
确保你的孩子感到他或她的家。较少强调整合在众多的小问题。问一些“必要”的行为是可能的。在你的家里许多美好的回忆你的青少年。
营造一个积极的同侪团体的少年。因为它有可能有更多的影响比你,确保你的家庭,少年的朋友分享你的价值观。了解父母。
设定严格但可达到的目标。教导的责任有明确的期望,问责制,一致性,和后续行动。要求行使个人的行为负责。
看到斗争辜负你的价值观。赢得威望在你的孩子的眼睛,你的个人斗争,忠实于自己的理想和家庭价值观。避免双重标准。对家庭预算作为一个数值表达式的值,你的家人。
表明,生活与信仰的吸引力。不要强迫青少年生活的信仰和祈祷。以身作则。表明,个人与上帝的关系提出了快乐和意义的生活。
