考试原题:
During this past year, I've had three instances of car trouble. Each time these things happened, I was sick of the way most people hadn't bothered to help. One of those times, I was on the side of the road fbr close to three hours with my big Jeep. I put signs in the windows, big signs that said NEED A JACK (千斤顶),and offered money. Nothing. Right as I was about to give up, a Mexican family in a small truck pulled over, and the father bounded out.
He sized up the situation and called fbr his daughter, who spoke English. He conveyed through her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep, so we would need something to support it. Then he got a saw (锯子)from the truck and cut a section out of a big log on the side of the road. We rolled it over and put his jack on top, and we were in business.
I started taking the wheel off, and then, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron. No worries: He handed it to his wife, and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a new tire iron. She was back in 15 minutes. We finished the job, and I was a very happy man.
The two of us were dirty and sweaty. His wife prepared a pot of water for us to wash our hands. I tried to put a $20 bill in the man's hand, but he wouldn't take it, so instead I went up to the truck and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I asked the little girl where they lived. Mexico, she said. They were in Oregon so Mommy and Daddy could work on a fruit farm for the next few weeks. Then they would go home.
注意:
1. 续写词数应为150左右;
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
When I was about to say goodbye, the girl asked if I'd had lunch.
After they left, I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.
写作指导:
一、重点划红
During this past year, I’ve had three instances of car trouble. Each time these things happened, I was sick of the way most people hadn’t bothered to help. One of those times, I was on the side of the road for close to three hours with my big Jeep. I put signs in the windows, big signs that said NEED A JACK(千斤顶), and offered money. Nothing. Right as I was about to give up, a Mexican family in a small truck pulled over, and the father bounded out.
He sized up the situation and called for his daughter, who spoke English. He conveyed through her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep, so we would need something to support it. Then he got a saw(据子) from the truck and cut a section out of a big log on the side of the road. We rolled it over and put his jack on top, and we were in business.
I started taking the wheel off, and then, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron. No worries: He handed it to his wife, and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a new tire iron. She was back in 15minutes. We finished the job, and I was a very happy man.
The two of us were dirt yand sweaty. His wife prepared a pot of water for us to wash our hands. I tried to put a $20 bill in the man’s hand, but he wouldn’t take it, so instead I went up to the truck and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I asked the little girl where they lived. Mexico, she said. They were in Oregon so Mommy and Daddy could work on a fruit farm for the next few weeks. Then they would go home.
二、从关键词得出以下信息:
时间:this past year;one of the instance of car trouble;
地点:on the side of the road
人物:I;a Mexican family (the father;the wife;the daughter) (They were strangers)
事件:
①I was sick of the way most people were unwilling to give me a help when I had car trouble.
②Once, my car broke down and I needed a Jack to change a new tire. The Mexican family did what they could to help me on their way home, such as, the daughter helped expressed in English what the father wanted to conveyed, the father cut a log out to support the small Jack, and the mother hurriedly ran to buy a new tire iron because I broke their previous one.
③I was happy and finally made it togave the money to the mother.
主题:根据以上整理出来的事件脉络,不难发现这篇文章在事件上主要体现这一家人对我的帮助(help),而在情感上已从sick of转变到happy,所以整个故事的主题应是这一家人对我的帮助(help)+改变对陌生人的看法和认识。
三、“前”、“中”、“后”让事情“做”得更“”
说明:“前”要衔接已给首句
“中”描写过程
“后”衔接第二段首句
文本最想强调的情感点就在于想通过the Mexican family对我的help改变我对陌生人的看法和认识。所以在“写”的情节构思和推断上,绝不可以脱离故事的主题的,所以续写的两段必须紧扣这一主题。
1. 确定第一段段落大意及情节推断
根据两段已给首句的关键词(标红色)和主题(help)确定第一段的主要内容:
When I was about to say goodbye, the girl asked if I’d had lunch.
After they left, I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.
由两段的关键词和主题,我们可以得出第一段的主要内容应是他们邀请我“一起吃午饭”。这是一件需要“做”的事情,所以可以采用“前”、“中”、“后”推断情节先后的方法。
2. 确定第二段段落大意及情节推断
根据第二段的首句After they left, I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.和主题这一家人对我的帮助改变我对陌生人的看法和认识,以及结尾正能量的原则,可以确定第二段的主要内容应是写我对陌生人的看法和认识的改变,涉及到所看所感所想所做,回应前文。
明线:I was sick of the way most people hadn’t bothered to help.
暗线:预示结果会对人性的价值重构
明线:put a 20 dallors bill
暗线:无私乐助精神的反射
明线:Mexico farm
暗线:为之后可能相遇打伏笔
明线:had lunch
暗线:乐助和友善的信号
明线:paper bag
暗线:情节焦点(主题正增强)
初稿:
When I was about to say goodbye, the girl asked if I’d had lunch. “Not yet, because I have been waiting here for three hours,” I said.She told me that they didn’t have it either and invited me together.Afterwards, the girl took out a large basket from the truck, which contained many kinds of fruit.With pride and joy, she explained that these were specialty from Mexico. So we sat on the roadside to share them,chatting like old friends we hadn’t seen for a long time.Throughout the conversation, they shared with me the pretty experience in Mexico and welcomed me to visit them at any time.When it was time to leave, the girl’s mother handed me a paper bag of fruit.With deepest gratitude, I saw them off.
After they left, I got into my jeep and opened the paper bag.Much to my surprise, I found the $20 bill I had stuffed into the girl’s mother.There existed a note, saying“We had got your great gratitude and helping you is the right thing to do.” Moved by their words, I suddenly felt that there were still kind-hearted people in the world willing to help me,although I encountered a lot of indifference.From then on, I made a decision to put a big jack on my big jeep, longing to help more like me who used to ask for help on the road to the best of my ability.
四、分析方法
1、细读首句,构思框架
两段首句定一框 由所给的第一段首句与第二段首句确定第一框的主要内容;
一框首句呼应所给的第一段首句,一框尾句呼应所给的第二段首句;
二框二首正能量 二框的首句呼应所给的第二段首句,二框尾句由正能量的结尾来确定。
Paragraph 1 的开头是“就在我要说再见的时候,女孩问我是否吃过午饭了。”可知,一框的写作主要内容是作者和墨西哥家庭一块儿吃午饭的过程。一框的首句应写对女孩问题的回答,回答之前的心里所想——想起来自己还没吃午饭;一框的尾句呼应所给的第二段的首句,应写我收到了墨西哥家庭给我的一个纸袋。
Paragraph 2的开头“在他们离开后,我上了吉普车,打开纸袋。”可知,二框的写作主要内容是作者在纸袋里发现什么,以及自己对这一次经历的感悟。二框的首句应写我打开纸袋,发现了我给的钱;二框的尾句应以我想把这种互助的行为传递下去,呈现正能量。
2、增加细节,开始写作
在已定框架范围内,依据情节推断故事中人物所见、所闻、所思、所说、所做等给每段增加5至8个具体细节,我们称之为叫“58细节添加法”。
Paragraph 1 When I was about to say goodbye, the girl asked if I'd had lunch.
1. 增加细节
所思:意识没吃午饭
所说:没吃午饭
所做:女孩邀请作者加入午饭,作者接过三明治以及纸袋
所感:这是吃过最美味的三明治
2.开始写作
1:听到他说的话,我意识到我没有吃午饭。
(非谓语+what宾从,主+谓+that宾从)
2.老实说工作了几个小时后,我非常饿了。(after+doing,主+系+表)
3.感觉到一点尴尬,我回复道,不。(feeling+adj,主+谓...)
4.女孩子带着微笑说,过来加入我们吧,墨西哥三明治很美味。
(主+谓+with+n,"...")
5.带着感动的泪水在眼睛里打转,我拿过了三明治。(with+n+doing,主+谓+...)
6.像一只狼一样的吃了之后,我觉得这是我吃过最美味的三明治。
(after+doing...,主+felt that表从...)
7.然后女孩的妈妈放了另一块三明治在一个纸袋中递给我,温柔地说,“拿着,等会再吃,现在我们得走了。”(主+谓1...+and+谓2...,非谓语+...)
Paragraph 2 After they left, I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.
1.增加细节
所见:纸袋中有三明治,水果和我的钱
所感:无限感激
所做:放千斤顶和一些常用的工具
所想:要像墨西哥一家一样地帮助更多的人
2.开始写作
1.让我很惊讶的是,袋子里有一块三明治,水果和我给的钱。
(what主从+was that there was +主1+主2+given...)
2.紧紧地握着纸袋,我定的站在那里,一股暖流涌上我的心头。
(非谓语..., 主+谓+...,+主格:n+doing...)
3.我是多么的感激这个帮助我的家庭。(how+adj+主+系+...)
4.虽然我在路上遇到的大多数人是冷漠的,但是然而有一些像这个家庭成员一样的人们,他们是多么的乐于助人和体贴。
(although+主+定从+系+表,there+be+主+...+定从)
5.从那时起,我放一个千斤顶和一些常用的工具在我的小车里。(主+谓+宾+介词短语)
6.当在路上遇到需要的人们,我会像这个家人一样竭尽所能地帮助他们。
(when+doing...,主+谓+宾+...)
7.只有这样越来越多的人才会有互相帮助。
(only in this way, 情态动词+主+动原+...)
参考范文:
When I was about to say goodbye, the girl asked if I’d had lunch.Hearing what she said, I realized that I didn’t have lunch.To be honest, after working hard for several hours, I was so hungry. Feeling a bit embarrassed, I replied: “no!”The girl said with a smile, “Come on! Join us.The Mexicon sandwich is delicious!” With moved tears rolling around my eyes, I took the sandwich.After eating it like wolf, I felt that it was the tasty sandwich that I had ever had.While dining, I talked about my trouble and feelings and they shared their interesting stories in the life.Then, the girl’s mother had another sandwich and some fruit place din a paper bag and handed it to me,saying gently: “Keep it and have it later! We had to go now.” I showed my heartfelt gratitude to them and saw them disappear in my sight.
After they left, I got into my jeep and opened the paper bag. What surprised me a lot was that there was a sandwich,fruit and the bill given by me.Holding the paper bag tightly, I stood still, a warm current rising in my heart.How grateful was I to the family helping me. Although most of people I met on the road were indifferent, there were still some people like this family who was so helpful and thoughtful.From then on, I placed a jack and some common tools in my car.When meeting people in need on the road ,I would try my best to help them like the family.Only in this way, could more and more people help each other in the future.
五、延伸学习
shrug one’s shoulder 耸肩膀(表否定回应)
talk merrily 开心聊天
to our heart’s content 尽情
express my appreciation 表达谢意
timely assistance 及时帮忙
showed me hospitality 表达热情
detailed address 详细信息
filled with gratitude 充满感恩
give sb a light hug 轻轻拥抱
bid farewell to the family 道别
at this point 此时此刻
spot 发现
serve as 担当
constant reminder 时刻回忆
owe to 亏欠
eliminate 消除
prejudice against 对……的偏见
offer a helping hand 施予援手